Tagged: Complaint

Another old series of e-mails that I wanted to publish but never got around to it – regarding my debt to Reading Council from 2010. I wanted to try to reduce my payments when I was unemployed in 2017. My Original Request Dear Sir I have been repaying a debt from your over-payments to me for some time now. I called last week to check how much was left to pay, and was advised that the sum remaining was £75.00. Part of the reason for my call was also to advise that I am currently unable to make any more …

Another old complaint that I thought I’d post, seeing as a whole 2 people read the last one. This time to Hull Trains. Me: Good afternoon I have just been through the trauma of purchasing tickets on your website. I wanted to purchase three tickets, however there were only two tickets at the price. One would have thought that one would have been able to buy all three at the same time, with one of them in the next price band. Alas, no, the website would instead try to charge me the next price band for all three tickets. Were …

Remember when I used to spend time writing complaints in the hope of getting a £10 voucher which would keep me fed for a few days? Well, I don’t do that nowadays. Partly because it isn’t worth the effort – I’m neither especially bothered about the hope of a voucher, nor does a total of 3 views really enthral me. Plus supermarkets are much tighter now – I do still complain when something is wrong, but it is more of a battle and, well, I can only be bothered if they’ve really pissed me off. However, there are a couple …

Oh back in the good old days when the worst of my problems was attempting to get to work and home from work. Might be a while before I have cause to complain again. And maybe I will just be happy every time there is a signal failure in future because I am actually allowed to get a tube. For old time’s sake…though it isn’t even funny so I don’t know why I’m posting it. ****** Dear Sir/Madam I hope that you are getting as bored of my complaints as I am getting bored of Metropolitan line delays. Every month …

Dear Sir/Madam I have just initiated the next battle to get refunds for the exceptionally numerous delays on the Metropolitan line over the last month. Firstly, myself and all other long-suffering customers would appreciate an explanation of why the new signalling is causing so many service suspensions between Finchley Road and Euston Square. I will apply via FOI request if I have to, but I’d prefer an explanation (an honest one – not the social media cover up) of why the problems are occurring and what is being done to resolve them. Your customers really would appreciate an explanation. An …

Dear Sir/Madam I appreciate that the strikes were not the fault of British Airways, and I have laid full blame at Balpa, including sending them a letter of complaint. However, I was supposed to be flying back from my holiday on 27th September – and was waiting to arrange the rest of my holiday, as I had other hotels and a ferry to book too. Finally I received note that my flight on 27th September was cancelled – so I arranged to change it to the week after. Thankfully the one hotel I had booked let me change dates without …

Dear Sir/Madam I am appalled to read that you are taking strike action to ruin the plans of many people, myself included. An 11.5% pay rise over 3 years (for generally well-paid workers) is a good deal.  The current inflation rate is 2.1% – with there arguably being a greater risk of lower inflation due to recessionary risks, than higher inflation. This seems like a rather generous deal to me. Further to that, airlines do go bankrupt, as we have seen.  There are worse airlines to work for – my understanding is that working conditions at British Airways are far …

You can apply for a refund for your journey from TFL if your underground train is delayed by 15 minutes or more. There used to be an app that would do it for you automatically – but strangely enough TFL stopped it from working before the disastrous Met line signalling “upgrade” in September. Anyway, sometimes TFL reject the refund requests. This does not always amuse me. Oh and they had promised us automatic refunds once the disaster unfolded. Which not one single customer reported receiving. Strange that. I wonder how many people are not as persistent as me, and just …

Dear Sir/Madam I would like to find out more about why there was such a disastrous launch of the new signalling equipment between Finchley Road and Euston Square stations, on the Metropolitan line on w/c 2nd September. Who took the decision to launch the new signalling on Monday 2nd September? When was this decision made? When did management realise that not enough drivers had been trained to use the new signalling equipment? Would there have been a financial cost to TFL had the launch been delayed, to allow more time to train drivers to use the new signalling equipment? If …

A complaint from 2018 – I think my final unposted one! And last ever complaint to M&S. ****** Dear M&S I went to M&S for breakfast this morning, in Moorgate, for the first time in around a month. It reminded me that I was due to complain to you – it has been on my to-do list for a few weeks. The reason it reminded me, was that I had gone in for a bacon and sausage sandwich. Alas, there was no bacon. But a sausage sandwich was sufficient. My real problem is an earlier sausage drought. A few weeks …

You know how you can tell it is autumn? When the Metropolitan line starts going into regular meltdown, and what an autumnal week it has been. I suspect that this is going to be a bit of a long rant, so lets start on a positive note, or what should be a positive note – donuts. On Saturday 8th September, I had quite a hangover, but had to head into central London to pick up a suit. During my short spell on Oxford Street, a bird poo’d on me for the first time in my life, I found out the …

Dear Hell Trains I had the misfortune of experiencing your air conditioning lottery with full force a few weeks back. I was travelling from Hull to London on Sunday 1st July, circa 14:30. I arrived at Paragon Station to be informed that there was no air conditioning in coach C, and that there was nowhere else for me to sit either. You could say I was fuming. Literally. And I hate the word ‘literally’. Originally I hoped to do some work on the train, although I know how patchy your wi-fi is (patchy being kind but this was the least …

I guess as part of the HR checks, M&S didn’t think to look through their customer complaints to see if potential employees had ever written to them. Phew. Here’s one that I can publish, now I’ve passed my probation. From 2018. Yeah I have a backlog of these things. ****** Dear M&S A few weeks ago, I had a birthday. Actually, it was a few months ago, but hey, the point still stands. I’ve already lost track of what I was going to say. Yeah I’m one of those complaint writers that always writes some long-winded nonsense that you really …

This is from last year, another one that has been hanging around my inbox: Oh TFL The imaginary ink has barely dried on the last complaint and now you have given me cause to write to you again. You do waste enough of my time as it is, without then having to write to complain about your journey refund decision. Last Wednesday I arrived at Harrow-On-The-Hill station around 8:15am. I got onto the waiting fast train. It hissed at me – like my imaginary girlfriend does when I use up too much of her imaginary ink. It hissed some more. …

It’s actually been alright recently – well, perhaps more accurately I’ve been lucky and missed the worst delays. Working from home two days a week helps too. As does the relatively dry weather recently – there are definite service suspension seasons and the next will be the first really hot day, when it gets to around 30’C. This complaint is from last year and not the funniest ever – just a rant. Part 2 is more fun. ****** Dear Sir/MadamI’d like to make yet another complaint about the Metropolitan line service.Tuesday was yet another clusterfuck of a service.  A signal …

[From 2018] Hi Sainsburys How is my favourite supermarket doing?  I hear that you had pretty good Christmas results.Alas, your avocados have been a little disappointing on occasion recently. Twice I have bought your dual pack of ripe avocados in recent weeks (I’m stretching the definition of recent here) and ended up being disappointed.  So disappointed that I have taken to buying avocados from Tesco. As you may understand, now that I have moved to London, I need to prove my credentials by eating as many avocados as possible – especially on toast.  And not just any toast, but the …

As I type this now, I must admit that the service has been much better this month on the Metropolitan line – or at least I’ve got lucky in terms of avoiding the signal failures. However, one particular journey stands out from 2018 which was such a clusterfuck that I needed answers.  Would I get them? ****** I guess I should be amused that you are trying to charge me £8.00 for the clusterfuck of a journey on Thursday 4th January, that took nearly 3 times as long as it should have.  Surprised you are not charging me for a …

Dear Cadbury’s There is an argument at the age of 38 and with several fillings and a few teeth missing, that I should have learnt my lesson and stopped eating sweets. But stuff that.  Life is short and I love sugar. And Sports Mixtures are one of my favourite sweets – that and Tangfastics, I find hard to go a day without one.  Or two.  Or three.  And I wonder why I’m fat. Anyway, before I bore you rigid about my new weight-loss plan that will never work, I would like to make a complaint about Sports Mixtures. Normally they …

Hey Sainsbury’s, how’s life?   We haven’t spoken for a while, which for most people other than my mum, is probably a good thing.  Definitely for you, as it means I have something to moan about and then you have to spend time refunding me the half a cucumber or whatever it is that I am moaning about.  Though the Metropolitan line is taking the brunt of my moaning capacity at the moment.   My lack of contact means that I’m either too busy or I’m happy, and until this delivery I was both.   Only one issue, the tomatoes …

The first of my complaints this year to TFL – on a broad range of subjects. ****** Dear Sir/Madam I don’t know where to start with this complaint.  How about GRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZR RGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZR RZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZR RZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZ RRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRR ZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZ RRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZ RRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZR RZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZR RZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZ RRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRGRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRRZRR? Yes, that was what awoke me on both a Saturday and a Sunday morning – early – very early in the mornings, back in September. I live close to Rayner’s Lane tube station, with my bedroom facing onto the Piccadilly line.  I quite like being able to see tube trains go past – for some bizarre reason this marginally …

Dear Sir/Madam   A month or so ago, I travelled with yourselves to Vienna.  In Austria.  Though you probably know that Vienna is in Austria.   The flight on the way there was efficient and friendly – abominable cupcake, but hey, free food.   Vienna is a great city, as I am sure that you already know.  We had a great time there, but were ready to come back on the Monday, expecting to get home with enough time to do some tasks ready for work the next day.   Alas.  We were at the airport in good time, security …

Dear Sir/Madam I still have not worked out the point of cucumber. It tastes of nothing.  It seems to be just water.  It is utterly pointless. Yet I add it to my salad.  Why?  I have no idea.  Just one of the many pointless things I do in my life, like writing letters of complaint over something worth about 55p in the vague hope that I am making someone smile somewhere with my vague attempts at humour. Anyway, I had a cucumber bought from my local Sainsbury’s store the other day.  Other week, actually, I’ve been busy. The sell-buy date …

Dear M&S I remember when I was a child, hating every single minute of being dragged around Marks & Spencer in Hull.  All I wanted to do was go out and play football, and perhaps set fire to the odd rubbish bin if I could steal some matches. But no, almost every Saturday, my mother and father decided that they would torture me by spending elongated periods in this infernal hell.  The only positive experience I ever had in there was when I found a penny on the floor. As soon as I was old enough to buy my own …

Sometimes it takes a bit of work to get a refund…or just to find common cause with your refunder: ****** Dear Tesco I am generally not a fan of your food quality – some will call me a snob, but I am from up north so not entirely sure that is something that can be aimed at me. Anyway, I actually quite like your avocados, and go through several a week.  Well, I normally like your avocados. Over the last month, I have had two pretty horrid, soft and close to inedible avocados from your Rayner’s Lane store. I will …

I received an invoice last month from my hosting company for £5.99 instead of the usual £4.99.  Cue an e-mail: Hello I noticed that you are trying to charge me £5.99 for hosting this month, instead of the usual £4.99. Please can you correct your invoice and ensure the correct amount of £4.99 is charged. Kind regardsJames ****** Hi James, Thank you for contacting us on the matter and apologies for the delay in my reply. I’m afraid the price of £5.99 is the correct amount of the hosting package as we have increased our hosting package’s prices by 20% …

Good afternoon I’m not having much luck with yourselves. Recently I used my voucher from my previous complaint for the t-shirt that I had ordered that fell apart. Instead of receiving the expected t-shirt, I received a shiny silver postcard from the Royal Mail, advising that there was a £4.48 customs charge to pay.  Oh and an £8.00 fee for the privilege of handling it. So a total of £12.48, or roughly $5,000.00 with the post-Brexit vote exchange rate – but that’s all good because we’ve taken back control.  Yeah. I don’t mind paying the customs charge, but surely it …

Hi Sainsbury’s Long time no speak.  Well I did e-mail you some time ago but I never received a response.  I had to e-mail directly as the form wasn’t working. Though that was also a long time ago.  Depending on your definition of long.  And depending on your definition of time. A long time ago, you changed your yoghurt pots.  I’m talking the excellent value 6x small yoghurt packs that retail for £1.10. Gone was the strong and stable pot, in came the weak and wobbly pot. It really is quite a flimsy design. 5 times now I have had …

Written when I was unemployed… ****** “Oh not him again”. Yes I know, you thought that you wouldn’t hear from me again now I’m unemployed (technically on gardening leave which means I do things like sorting out kitchen cupboards looking for out of date tins of pineapple), as I am now just a yellow sticker boy with an occasional foray into Iceland.  I shall still probably buy carrots from you. But on my last weekly shop with you until I am redeemed from this life of loneliness (I have lots of friends, honest), I have disappointment to proffer. Recently I …

Dear Society 5 I recently bought two t-shirts from you, I say recently, I mean a few months ago. It was my first purchase from yourselves. I wore the yellow one for the second time on Sunday, when walking around central London looking at the hot women on holiday in our not so hot capital city. When I drooled onto my t-shirt, I noticed that there was a hole between the main part of the t-shirt and the band around the top – is it a collar? I had only once previously worn it which was in Ibiza when I …

The last of my complaints from last year that I’ve been meaning to put up for, oooh, weeks.  I was not amused by the price increase of my quarterly subscription and wrote to complain. I have recently actually cancelled my subscription, due to unemployment, then two days later I was offered a job.  So I have signed up again on their 12 issues for £12 deal.  I wonder if I can do that every 12 weeks?  Hmmm.  That would be economical. I digress, complaint incoming. ****** Good morning I note with disappointment the quite significant rise in the subscription price. …

So last year I moved away from using Sainsbury’s for a bit, as you may have seen on my earlier complaints.  And used Ocado – until they let me down. ****** Good afternoon The number one priority for me on a food order, is that the chicken breasts last all week for my chicken salad. Or at least until Wednesday/Thursday of the week – my delivery date being Saturday. It is why I dumped my true love, Sainsbury’s, and started flirting with yourselves. In fact, I dipped my metaphorical willy everywhere, I even tried Asda. So imagine my sadness when …

Actually a recent complaint this one! ****** Dear Tesco Gosh do I have a 1,000 character limit? Wish me luck on that. One night recently, I was drunk. Do you have one of those annoying friends that starts every story with “I was really drunk”? I’m going to have to get to the point pretty quickly here, aren’t I? So, I was drunk. And the last two times I had been to Chicken Cottage on the way home, I ended up with 4 pieces of dry, over-cooked, miserable southern fried chicken. Being drunk, I came up with an idea – …

This is a follow-up from an earlier e-mail to Sainsbury’s, when I was getting so fed up of them delivering short-dated chicken (amongst other things).  My original e-mail is here – it will help to put our love affair into context if you haven’t already read it. ****** Dear Sainsburys Thank you for taking the time to write to me.  I am heartened that you have not forgotten me. I thought about your loving words for a week or so, almost like a love-struck teenager, unable to know what to say or do.  In the end, I thought that we …

I was not amused during my recent spell of unemployment, to be awarded just £87.40 a week in housing benefit.  My rent is £600.00 a month – not exactly an overwhelmingly expensive amount in London. But apparently the government decrees that I should be able to find a room in a house for £378.73 a month.  In London.  Yep.  I haven’t paid that kind of rental amount since 2003. However, as I am over 35, if I were living in a one-bedroom flat, then I would get up to £800.00 a month.  Logical, isn’t it? So because I am doing …

Whilst I was unemployed, I received a demand from HMRC for £87.02 of unpaid tax.  As you can imagine, I was not especially amused, given that I had roughly £80 a month after rent. My first reaction was to ignore it.  Then they sent me a follow-up letter advising that I needed to pay the full sum of £87.02 by 7th March 2017. I did try to call them on several occasions to arrange a repayment plan, and when I eventually made it through their automated menu system (my impatience doesn’t help – “JUST PUT ME THROUGH TO SOMEBODY” – …

A complaint from last year, in May, after my Supermarket Slut project and part of my ongoing relationship troubles with Sainsbury’s Online. ******* Hi Sainsburys Do you remember me? We used to be close.  Really close.  We used to date each other every weekend. But then you kept sending me short-dated chicken…and I can only stand being cheated on so often, so I decided to play the field – as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Well, there are 6 supermarkets in UK sea – Asda, Techno, Morrisons, Sainsburys, Waitrose and Ocado.  There may allegedly be …

Dear Cadbury’s OK I’m overweight.  Not horrendously so but I am a good 10kg above the weight that one should be. I don’t eat a huge amount of chocolate.  My main issue is not doing any exercise – I refuse to go to the gym as I don’t want people to think I am one of those gym types, and I never get laid as I only get fat matches on Tinder – and when I say fat, I mean phat fat.  I am sure that they are lovely girls but I have enough difficulties getting aroused at my age …

Hi Ocado I have had a frustrating day today. Have you any idea how to fix a 425 error on an ftp server? No, neither have I. Recently I undertook a project called Supermarket Slut. I became fed up of Sainsburys not being able to deliver chicken that lasted long enough through the week. Chicken breasts are the one item that I require to last through the week – as they are for my salad for Monday to Friday and tend to go off. Other things being short-dated I can just about work around – as long as it isn’t …

Dear Sainsburys I am not sure whether you are aware but I am entering my manly torso-chest into a Sexy Torso competition shortly. One of the many areas of advice that I have encountered is for colouring my torso to ensure I stand out to the judges. To do so, I need to rub half an avocado onto my chest, particularly the nipple area, and let the oils soak in overnight. However this week, my Sainsburys avocados were totally unacceptable.  I bought a packet of the ripen at home avocados, but they just went to a weird light green/light brown. …

Good afternoon I was delayed getting back from Leeds to Hull on the evening of Saturday 5th December.  I cannot remember the exact amount of time late but it was over an hour. Firstly the train was around 30 minutes late arriving into Leeds.  This meant an extra 30 minutes standing on the platform with drunk football fans. Then the train set off and I believe the emergency alarm was pulled. I am rather concerned about the delayed manner in which this was resolved – the amount of time it took for a decision to be made to go back …

Back in December, I decided that I had had enough.  Time to move on. ****** Dear Sainsbury’s I think our relationship is over.  At the very least, it is time to take a break. I have told you on multiple occasions how it upsets me when you give me chicken which will not last for my weeks’ worth of salads.  I have to bring this up at least on a monthly basis and at the moment it seems to be almost every week. This week the chicken is going to expire tomorrow.  OK, Friday is Christmas Day so I won’t …

From last October ************** Dear Office I bought these shoes just two months ago, and today I was walking to work and the right heel flipped up and disappeared into a black hole. I then had to walk the remainder of the dangerous journey through the Bracknell industrial estate where I work, with just one heel. Not for the first time in my life, I had a wonky walk. It was at this point that I was glad I was a man and not a woman. Don’t get me wrong, I love women – Margaret Thatcher, Las Ketchup girls (any …

Waitrose gave one of the most disappointing complaint responses ever last year…granted I wasn’t at my most imaginative.  I was just pissed off. Although my suit was imaginary. ***** Dear Sir I was walking through your Bracknell business park earlier this evening and the Waitrose minibus came driving past, really rather fast and straight through a large puddle, next to me. I was subsequently drenched through.  I suspect I may now have to send my suit to the dry cleaners. This is not the way I expect a supposedly upmarket brand to behave. RegardsJames Winfield ***** Thanks for contacting us …

From last year… ****** Dear Sainsburys I’ve been busy this week, really busy.  See, I’mlooking for somewhere to live, I have to move in two weeks and I amspending a lot of time looking for somewhere to live.  It is a pain inthe backside. So you can understand that I need my life to go smoothly at the moment. Imaginemy disappointment when I started to make my chicken salad on Wednesdaymorning before work, and found the chicken looking rather dry and atouch discoloured – and realised that the best before date was 27thJuly. I have complained about this on a …

Dear M&S I normally love your food, however yesterday I was having a fat day so thought I would treat myself to some southern fried chicken – namely your box of drumsticks and thighs. Now I love a chicken thigh but hate drumsticks – they are like comparing MDMA to Meow Meow. One classy and beautiful – the other rough as a badger’s bum but better than nothing. So I was hoping it would be roughly half and half but out of a box of 7 chicken pieces – 5 of them were drumsticks! 5 drumsticks! Just 2 thighs. Very …

Still posting my old complaints up – this is from where I bought some leaky shoes from Clarks in autumn 2014: Dear Sir I have only had these shoes for 7 weeks and already the stitching on the top is coming loose and when it rains my feet get wet. If I lived in Dubai this would be fine, but with medium-long range models suggesting an unsettled first half to winter, I am going to regularly have wet feet. Perhaps even worse, my blue socks with stars on now have a brown sheen from the bottom of my wet shoes. …

Dear Sainsbury’s As you may be aware, I have been developing my capacity to travel into space.  I wrote to you some time ago to complain about my teleport machine rejecting the rotten strawberries that I had purchased from you.  You were kind enough to refund the cost of said strawberries. My teleport machine, however, does not get me into space – it can only handle earth-teleportation as gravity has to be calibrated to the exact constant to be able to deliver without defect. I have recently been developing a leaf-powered rocket.  Now I am some way off being able …

Another complaint from 2014 that I thought I’d share: Dearest Sainsburys I would firstly like to apologise for the delay in sending you this complaint – you will probably notice that I am normally quite quick to complain however I have been spending a lot of time caressing my mullet recently. I received some trout on 23rd August and thought nothing more about it until 25th when it came to making trout and dill fishcakes – it had a best before date of 23rd August. I am not happy with this. Further to that, I purchased some rose wine last …

From 2014: Dear Sir I went to your Tesco Express branch on Monday evening just gone to purchase two scratchcards. However when I got to the till, I was advised that they were already locked up for the evening. I could perhaps understand if it were 10:55pm however it was 8:30pm. The store was open for another 2 and a half hours. I appreciate the efforts of your store to refrain me from gambling, however these were gifts for my housemate and my sister for their birthdays. Thankfully President Mubarrak at the M&S garage across the road was very keen …

I thought I’d upload a couple of my old complaints that have been sitting in my Hotmail for absolutely no reason at all.  Maybe one of you will chuckle. This was from when I used to live in my crap flat, and when I started the complaint in June 2011, I had a miserable job with a witch of a manager and drunk a lot of wine.  JP Chenet wine, to be exact. It would often be a herculean effort to get the corkscrews out.  Here goes: Dear JP Chenet I love your wine, however, it is very difficult to …

Dear Sir I just visited the M&S garage on Tilehurst Road in Reading, and saw an offer for 2 packs of Mentos for 90p. I took them to the counter but was told that the offer did not apply to them. We had a discussion for a while, I insisted that it said ‘Mentos – All varieties 2 for 90p’. However after calling a manager over, he pointed out that it only applied to packs weighing 38g, and the ones I wanted (Rainbow Mentos) weighed 37.5g. What the fuck?! Seriously this is ridiculous, the product apparently wasn’t included in the …

Dear Greggs You will likely not care to hear that I woke up too late this morning to make my own breakfast so I had to seek sustenance on my walk through Reading town centre towards the train station. There are not a lot of options early in the morning though there are about 126 branches of Greggs. I chose 2 sausage rolls, I did look at them with suspicion as to how warm they would be but purchased anyway. When I bit into the first one I quickly checked my surroundings in case I had been transported to the …

I think this is a return to form for my complaints… *************************** Dearest Sainsburys I have a friend that moved out to Australia and she has been watching Wimbledon and is very upset that she cannot get British strawberries in Australia. I wanted to rescue the damsel-in-strawberryless-distress so I agreed to send some over in my teleport machine. However my teleport machine is quite particular in terms of the integrity of objects it sends, especially living items, and it rejected the strawberries due to “Intolerable Levels of Infection”. To explain in non-teleport terminology, the strawberries that were delivered to me …

Following a letter from a debt collection agency regarding a debt allegedly due by myself to Sky TV, I thought I would write about how I despise Sky TV: 1. When signing up in August 2009, we were advised 2 weeks for broadband installation.  It was approximately a month. 2. The Sky box regularly decommissioned itself to the point where I gave up trying to fix it. 3. When I gave 4 weeks notice, they advised that the broadband would have to be cancelled 2 weeks into this notice period – seriously fucking unacceptable if I am paying for it. …

I just wanted a quick moan. Sky is a waste of money and is shit. Our box has never worked properly, constantly breaks, sometimes starts working again, then breaks again. Now I cannot watch ITV, and there is a perfectly good game of football on. Bastards. Oh and they have ruined football as well by encouraging and allowing the huge sums of money played to those players – how can anyone justify that? I certainly will never again give any money to Sky, unless footballers are paid something more realistic in the future.